I definitely can't tell you what makes a strong marriage.
I only have almost-4 years under my belt although, we certainly have had more than our fair share of challenges. Openness, commitment and compassion may be qualities that helped hold us together through the challenging times but, as for the long haul it's the professionals (career and personal) who can lend a hand with advice.
There are so many people with long-term experience who can share that it's not always a walk in the park and you won't always feel like you love one another, but you've made a commitment to one another to be there - to care - to work hard when times are tough.
Here is a real pro who sends out monthly marriage tips you can subscribe too.
My hubby and I visited with him prior to our marriage (ordered by our church, which I rolled my eyes at initially, but now am happy we had that!) and now I like to check in on his monthly emails to make sure my head - and attitude - is in check.
Married, common-law or friendships are frankly all relatable to his messages.
Marriage Tips is a free monthly email summarizing key ideas from marriage experts for having a happy marriage. It is usually a book, article, workshop or talk condensed down into ten points 2 to 4 lines long.
Enjoy :)
MARRIAGE TIPS FOR JUNE 2017
1. Choice. We find what we look for. We see what we choose in our minds to see. Our perception is a result of our attitude. Marital happiness is all in the way you choose to think about your spouse. 2. Mind-Set. Once we have a particular mind-set or train of thought, we see anything our partner does in a certain way - either positively or negatively - even if our perception is inaccurate. 3. Evidence. If you think your spouse is uncaring, you can find plenty of evidence to support your case. If you think your spouse is caring, you can find evidence to back that up too. 4. Yes, But. Some people counter every solution in marriage therapy with “Yes, but....” Eg. “Do you listen to him/her?” “Yes, but he/she doesn’t understand me.” Their mind-set filters solutions out. 5. Positive/Negative. Husbands and wives are in either a positive mind-set or a negative mind-set. There are shades of grey, but each of us is either more positive or more negative. 6. Realistic/Possibilities. The negative person defends their point of view as being realistic, whereas the positive person looks beyond the current situation and sees creative new possibilities. 7. Step One. There are four steps in changing a negative marital attitude. First: look for the positive more than the negative. Blinders may prevent you from seeing your spouse’s good points. 8. Step Two. Refuse to be a victim. You may feel sad because of your circumstances, but self-pity just drains energy. Choose to make the best with what you have and determine your own destiny. 9. Step Three. Give up grudges. Bitterness and resentment poison positive marital thinking. Grudges, no matter how justified they seem, must be let go of in order to let good thoughts in. 10. Step Four. Give yourself and your partner a break. Negative attitudes can be like big habitual ruts. So go easy if you or they don’t change right away. Each day is a new opportunity for growth. Subscribe. If you know others (parents, friends, relatives, coworkers) who might benefit from these tips, feel free to forward them by email and encourage them to subscribe by sending an email tobtallman@rogers.com with "subscribe to Marriage Tips" in the "Subject" line.
Bruce Tallman, Dr. Min. Spiritual Director and Marriage Coach 519-433-0981 www.brucetallman.com
